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Wednesday, January 11, 2012
*I suggest you don't read this post and the one below unless you are v free because it doesn't make full logical sense*
If you are a person, you are not entirely easy to get along with. To start off (literally and figuratively), it takes tons of activation energy to push myself to know you better. However, because of the fact that I'm going to enlist in army and I need to do decently for my IPPT and stuff, I need to get closer to you.
You aren't a great friend to get along with, it sucks when I first got to know you, you were physically hard on me. I struggled to keep up with you, mentally pacing myself and pushing myself to move on. I ain't an athlete or had some secret running technique to begin with, so when I hanged out with you, it felt so painful. You are not one that encourages me actively or gives chances at all. It seems that others know you so much better than myself.
Ah whatever, one day I will definitely do well. Will hang out with you often hahaha. Although the odds are against me, although my time is limited. At least I feel happy after completing my time with you. There's this genuine satisfaction even though I ran like shyt. It's this never say die, never give up spirit that I'm embracing when I'm with you. I constantly rise up to the challenges that you give me with. Perhaps I would be a more emotionally resilient person as I would be more physically resilient as well. Because you train both the body and soul.
And well, overused cliche but life is truly a race in many ways. It's so tiring, it feels like shyt, constantly pissing me off, always thinking about giving up. But what can you do. End it? You won't get another chance. You can turn back from your track and retrace your steps and redo it again. All your imprints are DONE - yet they fade with time, like how memories do. At the end of your time, perhaps we will truly see the light, I wonder what awaits us, but while all of us are running, shouldn't we do our best? We would be proud of ourselves regardless, to love others regardless of who they are, to take care of people in need, to resolve worldly affairs in our small little ways and be more selfless. Sounds too idealistic to be true but we all should run to that purpose in life.
This race is long and arduous. Many people see it as competition against each other, we can compete in a hella lot ways. We even try to lap others through selfish methods that may hurt others in one way or another. Idk because it's so complicated, I wish society wasn't so competitive at times. But then again, its a RACE that we are talking about. Some people say its a race to get the most achievements, some feel is a race to find a purpose in life and live it to the fullest, I think let us not forget its a race against time- to do everything you have aspired and dreamed to do in this life.
I have fallen many times in my life- but I know I must continue on, it's like running- so draining, physically painful, feel like giving up and etc., sure sucks a lot to be me when everyone is moving pretty comfortably at their own pace. But I just have to go on, keep doing my very best, till I live my very last breath. Then when I close my eyes I will have no regrets.
If you have reached here - congratulations, you have finished the second long-winded essay I have created. You have probably read the one below too- salutes to you. And all the rest of them below. Doesn't matter if you scrolled down so quickly, i don't care at all because I never bother reading my huge essays nor other people's long posts.
Disclaimer: I have no idea why I wrote them, it's like a mixture of boredom and sianneddness and also of cos emoness. But you know I'm always like that. I feel so much better when I write all these down- then I can clarify my mind and find a new direction in life. It's always subconsciously bugging me, all these little things, I didn't mean to irritate you all or show how sucky my life is or get some sympathy whatsoever, I just need to establish a one-way connection so that it seems that we partially shared my troubles. I mean in the first place - I don't have much people to talk to (unlike you all), so obviously I will try to release my thinking somewhere else. I should have used a private blog, and leave this one to intellectually satisfying things, but well, since you all have read it, it doesn't matter anymore.
*[ posted by me | TRIPLE KILL! ]*
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