A loner's world

Monday, March 19, 2012

The Long Reflection

Hi everyone... I wonder why people still visit here since most guys should be in army by now, hehehe nevertheless it's nice to be sitting down on the floor in my bunk in Tekong island, listening to music at the same time, watching others do silly things like stalking each other's girlfriends and hot girls (but I think its kind of lame haha) and of course the chao enthu people polishing their boots until it shines brilliantly. Then there's also a interesting bunk mate of mine staring at the cupboard in satisfaction and dozing off, and my buddy who is always sitting on his bed sleeping or using his laptop. Life's pretty good for now.

This is like the only day where I can sit in the bunk the whole day and not get ordered around by any sergeant to do activities that I'm reluctant to do hahaha. However, live range shooting is tomorrow and it ends really late so I hope the tiredness doesn't drag on; I envy Platoon 1 and 2 for getting Tuesday as the lepak day unlike us (Monday) because they can sleep all they want in the bunk.

I wonder what to say- my section mates are great, 2 of them are very caring and friendly towards me even when I'm blur, my buddy is also forgiving when I do a lot of stupid things but it feels more like he's the bochap kind. These days he's getting on my nerves unfortunately because he kind of offends me when he talks like he knows he's right and questioning what I do. Argh. Hope the situation improves. Or am I like getting damn easily irritated these days :( blah whatever... my section flares up pretty easily, like many people have a short temper- but we all just give and take and that's what I like. Not that I'm damn close to them but relatable enough and sufficient for me to get by BMT. It's like people can get judging of your habits and the way of do things but I learnt that I gotta stand my ground and tell them to eff off when I know it's right.

Sometimes their internal jokes and conversations don't really interest me, so it's like I just smile away. They're pretty ra-ra kind I guess, I love peace and tranquility, and a nice + quality talk with my friends instead of random insults and suans and laughter. Hopefully they still remember me after POP :X or maybe I'm just a face in the platoon/company. Haix... but everyone knows me because I did a cheer in front of the whole company, damn stupid and embarassing, but it was those unforgettable and unfortunate experiences. Field camp sure was unforgettable- getting shouted by my PS and scolded by the SMEs, sleeping in flooded basha tents, digging a seemingly bottomless shellscrape, the 12km route march with 10kg on your bag and etc.

This week, there's live range, grenade throwing, IPPT test (final) and SOC retake- so it's a busy week for me, hope I find strength and motivation to continue and happiness in whatever I do =) wish me good luck and pray for me hahaha. Tiring sia... I hope all these faster ends. But I'm glad I survived 7 weeks in BMT- an acheivement for someone like me, maybe my company is really nice thats why... I feel very lucky here =)

I miss all my friends outside... I hope I can see them soon and hopefully they miss and think of me too hehehee... nowadays when I go out with them it's a different feeling, everyone's just talking about army and stuff but still it's a good conversation starter- so many things to talk about!!! MOST OF ALL, I MISS MY FAMILY. I love my mum, dad and brother who have been really supportive and caring towards me, especially when I bookout, they are always there to accompany me and help me in whatever I need to manage. Makes me emotional when I reflect and type all these. It's like been a loner don't matter at all, family is and always will be the most important for me. <3

I hope to see them soon. Looking forward to Friday already (on Mon), they give me the strength to move on. Oh and I almost forgot, all my nice relatives who care and always take care of me.

Love you all,
JX

*[ posted by me | TRIPLE KILL! ]*

The Long Reflection

Hi everyone... I wonder why people still visit here since most guys should be in army by now, hehehe nevertheless it's nice to be sitting down on the floor in my bunk in Tekong island, listening to music at the same time, watching others do silly things like stalking each other's girlfriends and hot girls (but I think its kind of lame haha) and of course the chao enthu people polishing their boots until it shines brilliantly. Then there's also a interesting bunk mate of mine staring at the cupboard in satisfaction and dozing off, and my buddy who is always sitting on his bed sleeping or using his laptop. Life's pretty good for now.

This is like the only day where I can sit in the bunk the whole day and not get ordered around by any sergeant to do activities that I'm reluctant to do hahaha. However, live range shooting is tomorrow and it ends really late so I hope the tiredness doesn't drag on; I envy Platoon 1 and 2 for getting Tuesday as the lepak day unlike us (Monday) because they can sleep all they want in the bunk.

I wonder what to say- my section mates are great, 2 of them are very caring and friendly towards me even when I'm blur, my buddy is also forgiving when I do a lot of stupid things but it feels more like he's the bochap kind. These days he's getting on my nerves unfortunately because he kind of offends me when he talks like he knows he's right and questioning what I do. Argh. Hope the situation improves. Or am I like getting damn easily irritated these days :( blah whatever... my section flares up pretty easily, like many people have a short temper- but we all just give and take and that's what I like. Not that I'm damn close to them but relatable enough and sufficient for me to get by BMT.

Sometimes their internal jokes and conversations don't really interest me, so it's like I just smile away. They're pretty ra-ra kind I guess, I love peace and tranquility, and a nice + quality talk with my friends instead of random insults and suans and laughter. Hopefully they still remember me after POP :X or maybe I'm just a face in the platoon/company. Haix... but everyone knows me because I did a cheer in front of the whole company, damn stupid and embarassing, but it was those unforgettable and unfortunate experiences. Field camp sure was unforgettable- getting shouted by my PS and scolded by the SMEs, sleeping in flooded basha tents, digging a seemingly bottomless shellscrape, the 12km route march with 10kg on your bag and etc.

This week, there's live range, grenade throwing, IPPT test (final) and SOC retake- so it's a busy week for me, hope I find strength and motivation to continue and happiness in whatever I do =) wish me good luck and pray for me hahaha. Tiring sia... I hope all these faster ends. But I'm glad I survived 7 weeks in BMT- an acheivement for someone like me, maybe my company is really nice thats why... I feel very lucky here =)

I miss all my friends outside... I hope I can see them soon and hopefully they miss and think of me too hehehee... nowadays when I go out with them it's a different feeling, everyone's just talking about army and stuff but still it's a good conversation starter- so many things to talk about!!! MOST OF ALL, I MISS MY FAMILY. I love my mum, dad and brother who have been really supportive and caring towards me, especially when I bookout, they are always there to accompany me and help me in whatever I need to manage. Makes me emotional when I reflect and type all these. It's like been a loner don't matter at all, family is and always will be the most important for me. <3

I hope to see them soon. Looking forward to Friday already (on Mon), they give me the strength to move on. Oh and I almost forgot, all my nice relatives who care and always take care of me.

Love you all,
JX

*[ posted by me | TRIPLE KILL! ]*

Sunday, March 04, 2012

Nondescript

song on my mind right now ^

Actually just feel like embeding the song and then go sleep, 1:30am now... its like I want many hours of SLEEP- NOT 7 HOURS OF FALSIFIED UNINTERRUPTED REST- but yet I don't want the day to fly so quickly... then have to book in already sigh.

Sucks man. Then field camp in this week... the training already look damn tough in the NS YouTube video, the real thing confirm even worse. Of course they always say - positive thinking... I sure hope I can sustain that + have enough mental strength and physical resilience. Sucks to be blur sometimes, very hard to change, its just damn retarded then you either make a laughing stock out of yourself or even worse get yourself/section/platoon into deep trouble. The latter hasn't really happen yet as my commanders are understanding, I hope I can buck up and not get into deep shit lo... feel like fking myself up sometimes for being so stupid.

I thank many of my section mates for being understanding and helpful even when I take very long to understand things. So nice... thank you all.

Sighs... must brace myself ttm. Sounds like my 2012 is coming liddat. I sure hope I can survive!!!

I sound like some "un-man" person ranting here- like everyone is very tough and resilient and can handle it except me. Sighs... its just I don't really like military life and can't get used to all these jungle stuff lo... but I MUST GET ACCUSTOMED TO IT REAL SOON.... must must must... even if I don't like it.

Anyways, my A level results were unexpected in a sense, I put in hard work and I kinda miss the times studying really hard with my classmates already :) (those days were tiring but fun) but I guess the rest was like luck/even divine intervention or whatever it could be.

Thanks everyone for the support, my loving family, my teachers who were awesome in teaching and helpful and went the extra mile to guide us, my study mates and classmates who encouraged me and helped me, and the list goes on- all my friends, relatives... etc. And yeah, it was straight As except for PW. Thinking back, I could have probably tried H3... but with my slacker personality, I guess it was good to focus on econs and GP... my results is really 可遇不可求 (something that you could possibly get with a remote possibility but you can never wish for).

But results aside, I have come to miss the school and my class and all my friends and the activities we did, something I thought it was impossible during the monotonous days of school. But when I enlisted, that was the time that I truly appreciate my school life hahaha... whenever I meet my friends these days its all about army x3 lol

Yeah... one more day... will miss all of you stalkers reading this spot hah... cya soon... anyway I lost 3kg in this 4 weeks of BMT... idk if its I damn stress or the exercises and route marches damn hiong... probably both I guess.

*[ posted by me | TRIPLE KILL! ]*

Thursday, March 01, 2012

A levels tml!!!

All the best everyone~

Fuck field camp coming up T_T I cfm cmi de... sianx later pull down the whole section even worse

*[ posted by me | TRIPLE KILL! ]*

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Treasure

1.
wealth or riches stored or accumulated, especially in the form of precious metals, money, jewels, or plate.
2.
wealth, rich materials, or valuable things.
3.
any thing or person greatly valued or highly prized: This book was his chief treasure.
verb (used with object)
4.
to retain carefully or keep in store, as in the mind.
5.
to regard or treat as precious; cherish.
6.
to put away for security or future use, as money.

Coming back to true Singapore after 15 days in an entirely foreign land with strict rules and fragile, if not no dignity, I treasure my civilian life a lot more. When I went for my sec sch NPCC camp in VS or even in Pulau Ubin, I was already so happy that I could go home.

But this time, is really crazy. I just miss everything here, miss my family (even in camp when I think about them I feel very emotional for no reason), miss all the freedom I had here and all the random stuff I could do.

I was so happy when I reached home, after all those emotional and tough days inside Tekong, and Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,

I really treasure everything I have now...
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone

...like nothing matters even if I have no friends and trivial things that I worry. Actually I anticipated something like this to happen, but I didn't know it would be so drastic. Perhaps the fact that I always keep flopping and blur made it all worse. Plus the fact that you feel like you're all alone doing this and no one cares about you :( #foreveralone but when I think of my family that genuinely cares for me it makes me cry again. Yeah crybaby right, I cried quite a bit in camp too, many times secretly at night.

I remember looking at the beautiful full moon rise (16) when I was inside, and slowly I watched the moon shrink to a crescent hahaha. What a torture. Then everyone will sing everyday when marching, or in route marches...

10 more days to bookout day!!!
9 more days to bookout day!!!
8 more days to bookout day!!!
7 more days to bookout day!!!
6 more days to bookout day!!!
5 more days to bookout day!!!
4 more days to bookout day!!!
3 more days to bookout day!!!
2 more days to bookout day!!!
1 more day to bookout day!!!
.
.
.
And finally,
0 more day to bookout day!!!

I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone

Where'd you go
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

I know this is a love song, but idk why this song resonates with me now.

*[ posted by me | TRIPLE KILL! ]*

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Bookout bookout day!!!

First bookout from army after 15 days of the first confinement period. So happy worx. :) but need to maintain my fitness or else later cui there and jialat. Everyday very tiring my whole body aching.

Love you all who have thought about/cared for me when I was inside. Although its like so quiet on cyberspace now, I appreciate everything. Thanks :) and it sucks to be the weakest link sometimes when you take longer than others to learn something or keep doing it wrongly then everyone looks at you while you complete a task (e.g. a SOC station). Then when all the sirs try to teach and observe me, I feel damn stressed out. Highs and lows in army. I wish I could learn faster. zzz but other than that, I thank all my section and even platoon mates for all the unwavering support. However, sometimes I feel damn alone in the army cos many things its all up to you to grasp and complete the tasks required, so people can't help you much.

Yeah can't write too much because 1. there are restrictions of what you can write
2. I'm pretty tired now especially when you have to wake up at 5am latest for most days.

Talk to you all soon. Gdnitez. Loves.

*[ posted by me | TRIPLE KILL! ]*

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

if today was your last day

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin' stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

Goodbye everyone, Tekong holiday for 2 weeks. Wish me well :/

*[ posted by me | TRIPLE KILL! ]*

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Rainy day

Going back to old school... incredibly good.

*[ posted by me | TRIPLE KILL! ]*

Monday, January 30, 2012

In House...

I miss the past. I often make my mind live in it, because what you force yourself to think is probably what you perceive in reality, but it's this distorted and disillusioned reality that we live in. There were great and horrible times back in VS, ups and downs... I think so much more memorable than JC (but JC will be memorable in time to come I guess) whatever way I look at it. I miss everything... I really do T_T. But living in the past is like living in another realm that does not exist anymore. That moment of space and time have decayed for renewal of new ones, and I think it would do no good to pity myself for the things I wished I had done.

I have not treasured the past when it was not the present, and I am not treasuring the present like it is the past. I think that is horrible, cos I will live to regret if I have not lived my life to the fullest, if I have not loved to the fullest, if I have not enjoyed my life to the fullest. I say this at a point where I'm moving to my next point in life - NS, and then university hopefully, then a job. I definitely will live to see another day, I definitely will seize the day and make my life a memorable one - one that when I look back to my memories I would nod my head and smile peacefully hahaha. Even in a worse case scenario (WCS) where I totally have nobody to support me, I will redo my life and make it successful again, especially when I often complain of neglecting friends and losing them and blah³.

Anyway, in the great Channel 8 show, WCS is also dubbed as the gang name called "WE CAN SURVIVE". LOL coincidence much?

One thing I truly miss in 2009 was the DotA in houses we had. We need not be pro or too serious, just playing, chilling and having fun. And in 2010, 2008, 2007, 2006 as well. All our in-houses, pubs, LAN sessions, whatever. I loved all the games we played, I even saved some as replays. Now as I look back upon the games we have played, I just look upon ourselves like childish individuals having lots of fun, throwing lots of tantrums, not thinking about tomorrow, carefree, playing every Thursday and Friday (with my forceful smses hahaha). And even long before that it was many many people doing the job as well... everyone that had made it a success.

Now that we have moved along, now that we may no longer be good friends as we used to... I can only look at these replays in amusement... hahaha.

Another thing I missed is those soccer matches among our NP squad. I would never think I would miss them now. I'm like cursing and swearing at my noobie skills right here at this computer 2 years ago, and now I'm missing it. Humans are strange- I bet I will miss BMT soon enough when all this hell is over. Anyway, we all just went down to play soccer regardless of our skills, and I was some real noob there. But since there were so many noobs there as well- all my good friends- it was so fun hahahaha. Just anyhow kicking and defending the goalpost, while we watch our true talents kick the ball to the other side. It's like DotA as well- the pros all go up and initiate and the rest of us support. At the same time, I developed this sense of sympathy for newcomers in any game when I played soccer... everyone always has to start somewhere. I hope people do understand that I'm a slow learner in BMT...

And anyway, we will eat Ban Mian as a squad. Over and over and over again. On Friday. Gotta get down on Friday~ I guess we didn't understand the significance of living these times only once in the period of our lives. And we always had this compromise to play both DotA and soccer on Friday. I love our squad :O even if I'm hella irritating and talk irrelevant stuff they always compromise, we quarreled many times but we're mostly okay.

I miss my sec school classes too. Both of them. I just can't pen everything down here right now.

Anyway, I went out with most of my groups of friends already, I don't really know how much they care about me though but regardless there's no regretz :)

Bah... it's so late again, I'm once again spewing a cocktail of intensive English words on cyberspace. I go and sleep le. Goodnite. I wish all my dear friends (reading or not reading this) a great time at BMT :) take care all of you. Hopefully can see you soon and pls rmb me lolol.

Random song- Dust Raiders from my favourite game when I was 6- DX Ball Game 2
Great electro music for such a deceptively simple music. This must have shaped my love for all things electro and techno ^^

*[ posted by me | TRIPLE KILL! ]*

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Face The Wrath

Sorry I'm so bored.. and I treasure my midnights so much, I had to do this.

You're awesome if you understand it... if none of you do... then I suck I guess.

*[ posted by me | TRIPLE KILL! ]*